I had a weird kind of weekend. It was my aunt's 90th birthday so a family celebration with people flying in from interstate. It got me to thinking about my childhood, my family. My aunt and my two cousins, a boy and a girl, lived next door for my whole childhood. There was always a dividing line between the (little) girls, my sister and me , and my brother and two cousins. They were all older than us, not by much but it seemed they had a different childhood. My sister and I were always together, we had our own little gang of friends and I think, well I felt then that our brother regarded us as something less, something not really worth getting to know, perhaps a bit of a mystery.
We were very happy, my sister and me, and we have remained close. I think we have something very special, we have our shared childhood, seemingly so different from the others and we have our shared lives, always closer to each other than to any others in our family.
Sometimes, the feeling of being different, of not quite fitting in has made me feel less than, perpetually at the little kids table, where incidentally we were seated at the restaurant for the celebration lunch, ha ha. It was just perfect really, I enjoyed being at the non grown ups table and sharing the meal with my sister, my husband, my children and my auntie's grand daughter and her children. I think I'm OK with it all now, I don't feel less than, I am just me. I never wanted to be anyone but me. I guess, over the years, I just wanted to be acknowledged, to be seen and understood and accepted. There comes a time when you have to accept that those who truly get you just do and those who don't maybe never really will.
I thought about the things that I learned from my auntie and I realise one thing she taught me was a love and respect for animals, pets and wildlife and to let them be a part of your home, and the other most important thing I learned from her was that it is OK to be yourself even if you are a bit weird and different, you have to run your own race and love what you love.
So, as my daughter said, I get to sit at the little kids table forever and I get to make dolls. I get to celebrate all the wonderful joy and innocence of childhood each and every day and share it with all of you. I guess I'm definitely the lucky one.
happy days from the little kids table